Living Without
by Gandalf3213
Summary: Troy can't live without Chad. Everything reminds him of his best friend. How can you live when you feel so guilty? Sequil to my other fic.
1. You Called Me Strong

**I don't own the show.**

Everything reminded him of Chad

Was that why he wanted to quit basketball, because it reminded him to much of the best friend he had ever had? The best friend that he had lost?

Troy sighed and leaned back against the window, absentmindedly twisting the basketball in his hands as he remembered the row he had had with his dad not two hours before.

**Flashback**

"_I don't want you to give it up for the wrong reasons." Troy's father, Mr. Bolton, said._

"_It's not the wrong reasons, dad. It's what _I_ want. What _I _need. I just need to not...think about it for a while. I just need to get away." Troy was tired. Of everything. He needed to think. He needed to work this out. He needed Chad._

_His father looked him up and down, then said, more quietly. "It's about him again, isn't it?"_

_Troy shrugged, then nodded. Maybe his dad would get it. Maybe his father would see the reason why Troy needed to get away from basketball for a while._

"_You can't do anything about it now. Chad's gone. You're still here. Do you think he'd want you to waste your life by sitting on the sidelines. You're not going to bring him back."_

**End Flashback**

Troy did not remember much after that. He had said a lot of stuff, some things he had meant, some things he had not. They had had that conversation a lot recently. Him and his dad. Troy knew that it was just because his dad was worried about him.

Heck, Troy was worried about himself.

He had quit the play. Ryan was taking his spot as the lead guy. He just had not wanted to do the play. He didn't want to pretend everything was alright.

Because things were far from alright.

Troy had drifted away from his other friends. Zeke, Ryan, Sharpay, Kelsi. They all just drifted out of his life. Along with basketball.

Everyone drifted away. Everyone except Gabriella and Taylor. They were the only ones who really knew. The only ones who knew how he felt. How hard just living was for him.

How hard everything was.

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You like it? There will be a plot. Maybe. i think. Just review, okay? 


	2. You Called Me Weak

**I am in the process of trying to own this movie. It's not working.**

Troy waited until lunch to tell Gabriella about it. He took her to their not-so-secret spot on the roof.

"I had the dream again." He said quietly.

Genuine surprise showed on Gabriella's face, then fear. "The one you had the night before...you know?"

Troy nodded, "yeah." He thought of the book they had had to read for English a couple years ago. What was its name? The Outcasts?

_Outsiders, that was it. _He thought. His dreams were like the ones that character, Pony? had had right before his parents died. Or was it their funeral?

Troy shook his head, letting the thought go. He was here to talk to Gabi, not think about some dumb-ass book.

"Are you sure it was the same exact one?" Gabriella asked tentatively. Troy nodded.

He had woken up covered with sweat, with the blankets wrapped around his neck. After he had untangled himself, he had lain, shivering even under the sheets, remembering the haunting dream.

A month ago, the night before Chad died in the hospital; Tory had had the same dream. In it, he was in his basketball uniform, about to throw it to Chad so he could go in for the shot.

But Chad wasn't there.

Then the scene changed. He was looking through a window at himself and Chad, when they were younger, playing King of the Hill on the pile of gravel in the backyard. Pushing and shoving each other to get to the top. Then pushing more so that they wouldn't be knocked down.

Then the voice. The damn voice that Troy always thought about. Chad's voice, saying over and over, "Why'd you do it? Why'd you have to push me? I was only playing around!"

And then the last, most terrifying part. The moment when he had pushed Chad into the counter at the cinema. The look of surprise on his face almost drowned out by the smile that was still there. Always smiling. Always laughing. Always playing.

And then Troy woke up, and he was plunged back into reality. A reality much scarier then the dream.

Because in reality, Troy didn't have a basketball partner. And he didn't have a friend to push off the Hill.

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For the record, I love The Outsiders.

Reviews are welcome. (hint, hint)


	3. You Took For Granted

**I don't own the characters, just the story.**

Troy walked across the well-cared for grass and stopped at a brown stone. He knelt down and traced the letters on Chad's grave with his finger:

_Chad Danforth 1990-2006_

_All good things must come to an end; and only the good die young._

_In loving memory of a loving son, loyal friend, and caring young boy._

"Words aren't enough, Chad." Troy felt the tears come again, and didn't bother brushing them away. He realized, in that instant, that this was it. Words on a stone. That was all that was left of his friend. Those words were the only thing left to represent an entire life.

Troy ducked his head and cried, his hand still resting on the stone. He loved the feel of that stone. He had memorized it-the color, the texture, the size-he'd memorized the whole thing like you would a face.

Because this was his friend's face.

"Things aren't the same without you Chad. I know I've told you that a hundred times but..." his words drifted off, and Troy took a deep, shuddering breath.

"Ryan took my spot. Did you know that? He didn't want to; I had to practically beg him to take over for me. But he'd great. The worst part was Gabriella's reaction. Especially for the kissing scene." Troy fell silent. He didn't know what else to say.

"I quit basketball, too. Man, you really messed me up." Troy was angry now, because now he had something to be angry about.

"You messed me up bad, Chad. You messed up my game, you messed up my girl, you messed- up- my- LIFE!" Troy banged his hand against the stone with each word. He felt the tears stop and straightened up, leaving behind a basketball.

Troy walked back out of the cemetery. He was glad he had walked, because he needed a chance to clear his head. He needed a chance to figure out what he was going to do.

He needed to get his life back.

Troy walked through the cemetery gates. Half-way down the block, he looked back at Chad's grave. He saw-or thought he saw-something. Some dark person standing there, staring back at him. Shaking his head and frowning.

Troy rubbed his eyes with his fists and looked back at the grave. Could it be? Was it him?

But there was no one there.

Troy looked at the grave closer. He realized with a start that the basketball was missing.

Gone without a trace.

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So...what do you think? No, don't tell me, just review. 


	4. All the Times I Never let You Down

**I don't own High School Musical as of now.**

"I know what I saw!"

Troy pounded against the wall of Gabriella's bedroom. _Why doesn't she get it?_ He wondered. _Why can't she understand?_

Troy had come directly to Gabriella's house after the cemetery. He had told her exactly what he had seen. The basketball, Chad's ghost, everything. And still, she was looking at him with that look that showed that she thought that he belonged in "The Loony Bin."

"Why can't you just except that I saw Chad's ghost?" Troy fumed, taking Gabriella by the shoulders.

"Troy," Gabriella stated calmly. "Troy, there is no such things as ghosts. What you saw was a-"

"Was a what?" Troy demanded. "Was a what, Gabriella? A hallucination? Troy Bolton going off his rocker again?" Troy was spitting out words before he could think about them. It was only at the end of his rant that he saw the hurt look on Gabriella's face.

"Troy, you know that I don't think you're crazy." She started. "But you have to admit, you're-"

Troy cut Gabriella off again. "I'm what, Gabriella? What am I?" He advanced towards her until the two teens were only inches apart.

"You're a little obsessed with him, Troy!" Gabriella shouted the words, and bit her tongue when they had left her mouth, but it was already too late.

"Obsessed? Gabriella, you **barely knew him**. You, Taylor, everybody. Nobody can have any idea what he meant to me. What he still means to me." For once, tears didn't come to Troy's eyes as he talked about Chad. Only cold anger and bitterness entered his words.

"You've gone to that cemetery every day. You quit the play-" Gabriella paused.

"Troy, it's like I hardly know you anymore." Her voice was quieter now. She was being serious. "You've been gone who-knows-where everyday." She tapped his head lightly. "Where are you when you're alone, Troy?" She paused again.

"Where are you when you won't look at me?" Another pause.

"Where? Answer me that one thing, Troy. Where are you?"

Troy looked away from Gabriella, out the window. He breathed in, then looked straight at Gabriella, wiping a tear from her cheek. "I'm with him." He whispered quietly.

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So, you like it? That's nice.

REVIEW!


	5. You Stumbled In

**I own nothing.**

Troy hurried back to the cemetery. So what if Gabriella didn't believe him? He didn't care.

Troy slowed down, thinking. He _did_ care. Gabriella was one of the only things he still had. The only person who could still make him smile. She meant something to him. She meant **everything **to him.

Troy shook his head, trying to get rid of the mental picture. "She didn't believe me." He said out loud. Ahead of him, a mother took her child to the other side of the street, looking at him as if he were crazy.

Maybe he was crazy.

Looking back on the past couple of weeks, Troy could see how some people-okay a _lot_ of people- thought he was crazy.

Point one; he had given up basketball. Him, Troy Bolton, the starting point guard. The play maker. He had a dozen scholarship offers last year, and he had only been a sophomore. This year he had gotten more. And yet he had given it up.

Point two; his grades were slipping. Sure, he had never been the **best** student, but he had gotten the occasional "A". Now he was lucky if he got a "B". Mostly, it was "D's".

Point three; he'd quit drama. He'd had the lead role, which he had fought so hard for at the beginning of the year. Now the whole thing seemed…pointless. Along with everything else in his life.

Point four (The most alarming one); he was seeing the ghost of his dead best friend.

Yup, definitely crazy.

Troy felt more tears leaking out of his eyes. He'd cried more in the past month then he had cried in his entire life. He needed help, and he knew it.

Troy started back towards Gabriella's house. After a few steps he broke into a jog.

A block later he was running.

He was sprinting after two.

Troy was sweating by the time he reached Gabriella's house. He didn't bother with the front door. Troy climbed vines that clung to Gabi's porch. He peered in to find Gabriella sitting cross legged on her bed, listening to music. He tapped twice on the door, causing Gabriella to look up.

When she saw who it was, Gabriella opened the door and threw her ams around Troy. "Are you okay, Troy? You ran out of here so fast..." her words drifted into silence.

"I know, I know." Troy was absolutely serious now. "I need you help Gabi. I need you to go with me to the cemetary."

Gabriella groaned. "Not this again, Troy."

"But I'm sure of it. Look, come with me to the cemetary. If the whole thing is a prank, I'll forget about it. I'll rejoin the basketball team, too." Troy was begging her now.

"Help me get my life back, Gabs."

Gabriella looked at her boyfriend for a second before nodding wordlessly, wondering what she was getting herself into.

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So...yeah. Review? 


	6. And Bumped Your Head

**I own it not.**

Troy and Gabriella sat in the cemetery next to Chad's grave, watching the sun set. They had been there for hours-since school and drama had ended. Troy had brought sandwiches and a thermos full of hot chocolate. Gabriella brought blankets and a sleeping bag.

The setting hadn't upset them at all. In fact, it almost helped. Nobody went into a graveyard freely, unless it was to visit somebody's grave. In fact, in the time since they had gotten there, they had only seen a wizened old man in the cemetery, so they had the place virtually to themselves.

So they sat down and talked. Troy explained to Gabriella why he was quitting basketball. It was just too hard. Chad had always been there; he was one of the starting forwards, the person Troy always passed to and always buddied up with at practice. He knew that he was letting the team down-Zeke especially, as the other guard, would be taking it hard. But it was something he'd had to do.

Gabriella talked about the musical, and how Ryan wasn't all that bad. "He's actually really sweet, and really funny." She told him before started into a story.

"See, last week we started working on the second to last scene. The one where we're supposed to kiss. And I didn't want to do it. I wanted to kiss you." She smiled at Troy and kissed him lightly on the cheek. "So Ryan tried to demonstrate it for me-" she burst out laughing, and Troy had to wait to see what she was laughing about.

"He got Sharpay and plated this big wet kiss on her. Then he turned around and said 'that's all there is to it.' But he didn't notice Sharpay behind him and..." she let her voice trail off.

Troy looked confused for a moment, then put two and two together. "Oh! So that's why Ryan had blue paint all over him? And _Sharpay_ did that?" he burst out laughing too, and soon they were both rolling on the ground, shaking with laughter.

They weren't laughing now though. Not a giggle escaped the two teens as they watched the sun go down behind the hills. Gabriella sighed and wiggled a little in Troy's arms, making him look down.

"What do you want to get out of this, Troy? I mean, what's the point?" she asked quietly.

Troy thought for a second. When he answered, it was slow and deliberate. "I guess I want you to say I'm not crazy. And I think that if I see Chad's ghost...I don't know, maybe I'll be able to go back to my old self. Minus Chad."

Gabriella was quiet for a second, then "But Troy, I can't lie to you. You've always been crazy."

He splashed her with some water.

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Reviews are good. 


	7. If Not For Me

**I own nothing**

Troy watched the grave so closely that he thought that the image would be imprinted on his memory forever. But around two in the morning, even Troy was tired. Gabriella was already asleep, and Troy joined her.

He awoke not half an hour later to a rustling sound. Immediately, Troy was awake and watching. Then from behind the grave stepped a figure who looked startlingly familiar.

"Ch-Chad?" Troy gasped, unable to believe his own eyes.

The figure stepped towards him. If Troy had been a little less "out of it" he might have realized that the ghost never showed its face. But that didn't matter.

"Chad, man I'm so sorry!" he said , speaking in a whisper without meaning to. The ghost drew back, startled.

"Why?" it asked, and Troy noticed that the voice was much, well, _higher_, then he'd remembered it. That also didn't matter.

Troy was surprised. "For killing you! **I** pushed you into that counter, Chad. You didn't deserve to die." Troy's voice cracked.

The ghost looked away, across the graveyard. "Does anybody deserve to die?" the voice was still raspy. And something else, too. _Sadness?_

"No," Troy agreed, looking at the tombstones as well. "Nobody deserves to die, 'cause everybody's somebody's baby..." his voice trailed off, the became bitter.

"And everybody's somebody's best friend."

The figure knelt next to Troy. "Listen, you can't keep doing this. You have to, you know, get over it."

Troy was taken aback. "How could I just get over it? Everybody's asked me to get over it, but you know, Chad? You had it easy; dying means you don't have to live through life, knowing somebody's never going to be able to do it."

The ghost's voice became cold. "Others have suffered, Troy. How about my parents? And the team?"

Troy hadn't thought about them. "I don't know."

The ghost seemed to be getting frustrated. "I know that you don't know. Troy? You remember that movie we saw a while back? With that little guy? He was right, you know, you can't be sad about the past, or you'll suffer it forever."

Troy slammed his fist to the ground. "I don't want to forget."

The ghost boy knelt down and touched Troy, "You won't have to." The ghost backed up and stood next to the coffin, leaving Troy gaping at it.

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A transition chapter, by the way. Review! 


	8. Then You'd be Dead

**I don't own it. I also don't own Alaska**

Just as the ghost was about to disappear around the tombstone, Troy saw something. On the ghost's feet, it wore **sneakers**.

Troy whipped out his hand and grabbed onto the ghost's white cloak. It came off in his hands, causing Troy to scream, waking Gabriella up. Because in front of him was no ghost. It was Chase, Chad's younger brother.

"Wh-What!" Troy gasped, sitting back on his heals. He couldn't believe it-he wouldn't believe it.

He felt Gabriella's hand on his shoulder, heard her calling out to someone unseen, "You can come out now."

Out from behind various other tombstones came Ryan, Sharpay, Zeke, and Taylor. Chase stepped closer to Troy.

"We are so sorry, Troy." Whispered Zeke, kneeling next to his friend and putting an arm around Troy's shoulders. Troy shrugged him off.

"You guys knew about this! You set me up!" he accused, and was surprised and hurt when they all nodded their heads.

"We've been worried about you, Troy." Sharpay said, "Ever since Chad died, you've been like an empty shell. We understand-really we do! It's just, don't you think it's time to let it go?"

Troy sat back, resigned to the fact that he was going to have to listen to their story. "Okay, so why Chase?"

Chase answered that one, "It's because everyone's always said how much I look-look**ed **like Chad. And because, well, I miss my brother, too." The boy said the last part in barely more then a whisper.

Troy was dumbfounded. In the months since Chad's death, he hadn't once thought about Chad's own family. Chase was three years younger then Chad had been, but he was nearly as tall. He was built exactly like his brother, and from what Troy had seen, had the same knack for basketball. In the ninth grade, which still meant he was in Junior High, he was a starting forward for the school's boy's basketball team.

"I'm sorry, Chase." Troy whispered. And he felt as if something broke inside him. Like he'd gotten over some invisible barrier.

The psychiatrist that Troy went to later said that was getting over denial-the first stage of grief. After that incident in the cemetery, Troy rejoined the human race. Gradually, in baby steps.

First, he went to his father, and asked to be put back on the team. He would no longer be captain, but he was still first string.

The following fall, Troy and Gabriella tried out for the fall musical. Together, as a pair. They made the leads.

Within a year, Troy was back in his old life. He would never, **ever,** forget Chad. But he found that he talked to his dead friend less and less.

And in Troy Bolton's Senior year, he helped Chase Danforth become the first Freshman to play on the varsity basketball team. Call it repaying a debt.

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That's it! I am **done** with High School Musical! 


End file.
